confusion

So I'm having one of those senior year style panic attacks...I have realized, probably much too late, that I may or may not (hence the confusion) like art history.  Sure I enjoy looking at and learning about art.  But I'm coming to the terrifying conclusion that looking and learning may be as far as I want to go.  basically i'm not sure i'm ready to marry this art history thing and commit to an eternity of grad school.  So as I slooooowly make my way to the middle of the year and prepare to graduate, all I feel is stuck.  I know that I want to move back to New York, and I know without any doubt or confusion at all that my life as a waitress must be done.  I have given that relationship 6 whole years of my life and while it has taught me invaluable lessons about character and perseverance, it has drained me to my very last drop of dignity and patience.  I want to move to New York and I want someone to say "hey meaghan i have the perfect job for you!"  I want to work an 8 - 5 job.  I want nights off to go on a date or hang out with friends.  I want to know what the weekend looks like outside of a restraunt.  I want a "real job" and at this point in my confusion filled life, I'm not sure I even care what kind of job it is.  I'm back to square one, and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

“Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.”

—	D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterly’s Lover

"she's a city girl"

ok kids.  sorry it's been about a gazillion years since i have updated anything.  so here's a quick rundown of what's been going on since boise was so lucky to have me back.

1.  got my job at carino's back.  love that place.  love those people.  hate that job.  i'm completely 100% over being a server.  which is good, considering i probably only have to do it for another 50 years or so.

2.  broncos went to (and won) the fiesta bowl.  duh.  no question that would happen.  ummm why aren't they in a national championship?

3.  food from goldies, java, cheesecake factory, and ihop.  i sure missed boise.

4.  pouted on my living room floor almost every single night because nobody delivers anything but pizza here.

5.  started school out strong (yay) dropped a couple classes (cuz that's what i do) and preparing to apply for graduation at the end of december (yep it's almost official)

6.  completely 195% decided to return to new york after graduation.  i have no idea what will await me there...school, internship, another dreaded serving job??  don't care.  just gonna go!

7.  hmm what else...oh yeah.  bought a car!  for like $800 no joke.  it's fabulous.  i'm thinking her name is martha, but since i won't be driving her next year, maybe i shouldn't get too attached.

8.  read every single twilight book in the last 30 days (sorry vanessa) and then to balance some that nonsense out, started anna karenina.  again.  maybe i will finish it by the time i'm 40.

9.  went to church (once) went to the gym (tonight) and spent a million dollars at sephora (see i haven't changed at all)

10.  the most important thing i have done since returning has been...buying a plane ticket back!!  i will be enjoying the fabulous subway and old hotdog smells of new york at the end of march!  make a paper chain!  start counting down the days!  stock your refrigerators up with diet coke!!

soooo...as you can see, not much has been going on.  but give me a break, i've only been home for a month :)